The World's first Computer Bug

It's 7.30pm Christmas Eve 1969. Somewhere in the bowels of IBMs Thomas J Watson Research Centre, the office party is drawing to a close.

Software boffin, Milt Goldberg is locking up his office before heading home for the holiday, not to return until the new year.
Unfortunately, the mix of cheap red wine, Christmas cake and general 'joi-de-vie' that afternoon has precipitated Milt's fatal and world-changing coding error.

Crawling out from The shadows of Milt's System/360 Model 25, appears the creature that will over the decades ahead become a legend as it spreads and multiplies. With no one around to prevent its infestation the creature sets off on its software odyssey to take over the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first : Computer Bug.

(I think his name is Edgar)


The ubiquitous 'Computer Bug' - 'Where did it come from?, When was it born?' etc.
A Late 1960's IBM research lab seemed like a nice idea as IBM are so iconic in early computing. Then I needed a situation or sequence of events that could allow for the 'birth/escape' of the little menace.
The office Christmas party with a few drinks, followed by a week's holiday when the bug could make good its escape fitted the bill, and the idea was up and running.

'Taking out' Christmas

Christmas is getting the better of me. I've tried to keep it under control but it's fighting back. I'm considering firing a tranquilizer gun into its neck.

There seems to be no escape. Christmas is the 'Terminator' of festive holiday breaks. No matter how you run, fight back or hide, the unstoppable red eyed, cheery, tacky, ho-ho'ing clunks up on you with its rigor-mortice grin

Christmas is a tough SOB. It takes no prisoners. Maybe if I sneak up on it unawares when it's having an afternoon nap and then smash a heavy table lamp or similar over its head?
A heavy ashtray perhaps or a compilation volume of Cliff Richard's Christmas Special? Or an electric iron?

Oh the irony.

'Name that item'

Great new quiz show kids!
Create a new word/name to describe the following challenges:

1. Dubbya Challenge. Something you might find in George W's briefcase.

2. Pussy Challenge. Something the cat has left on your mat this morning (Eurgh)

3. Last piece Challenge. The bit left over after assembling flat pack furniture.

4. Hybrid Theory Challenge. The result of unnatural coupling between two household items. (the sort of thing you see all the time in those Innovations catalogues actually)

5. Obsolete but not forgotten Challenge. Such as he steering wheel of an Edsel. (google it)

6. Condiment Challenge. Ketchup that doesn't pour

7. Jordan Challenge. Two blimps (or similar swollen things that travel in pairs)

8. Stonehenge Challenge. A brick that doesn't work

9. Carl Andre Challenge. lots of bricks no longer used as bricks

10.Brick Challenge. Something/anything you would like to throw at George W.


Yeah!
And so once again the world comes full circle.

Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL......

Alternative responses for Stanley and Arthur's cheery silicon anti-hero:

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: I'm sorry - do we know each other?

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: Do you have any ID?

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: I'm watching cash in the attic - be there in 20.

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL!!

HAL: And just what time do you call this young man?

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: Oh hi!

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: (muffled whispers) Shit, he's back...what?... no, I dunno. Well just flush it then.


Any other suggestions?

Assisting Amy Lee of Evanesence

I overheard Charlie Fox and ted Badger having this conversation. I think it says much about their maturity and level of 'swiftian' wit.

Ted Badger says: Am giving some serious volume to the new Evanescence cd

Charlie Fox says: Any good?

Ted Badger says: I bought it on the strength of the single which is 'kin ace. First found rest of album too same-y. But have grown to love it now. You'll love the pic of Amy Lee inside the booklet

Ted Badger says: will scan in amy for you (I say)

Charlie Fox says: Please do...

Ted Badger says: brace yourself - email incoming

Charlie Fox says: Crikey Ted.. she looks distinctly mischevious doesn't she? Do you think she is saying, "Go on, you know you want to?"

Ted Badger says: I bet she's a handful... or two

Charlie Fox says: I would mind her handling us two...

Ted Badger says: In case they'd shifted out-a whack during her performance you mean?

Charlie Fox says: Precisely - do you think Fox and Badger could get a job doing that for her, ie: Scott Gorham's roadie who used to pull his hair out of the strings during Thin Lizzy concerts?

Ted Badger says: So basically we'd be.... Boob wranglers? Sound good to me :))) LOL

Charlie Fox says: Snigger!

Ted Badger says: I can't breath - laughing too much

Charlie Fox says: You've started me off you SOB

Charlie Fox says: Amy Lee's boob wranglers. Fuckk me that IS a job

Ted Badger says: Imagine telling people that in the pub. the place would go silent in awe. We'd be heroes to teenage boys around the world

Charlie Fox says: Or telling your grandson as he sits gazing at you by a roaring fire..."i remember once at hammy odeon when amy's left one started showing it's lovely pale face, I had to run on from stage left, put down my bottle of Magners...

Ted Badger says: But grandfather... wouldn't your hand be slightly chilled from the bottle of mangers?

Charlie Fox says: All the better for 'enhancing' her performance. And for giving you somewhere to hang your towel

Ted Badger says: I think that conversation will have to go on the blog.

Illustration competition

For anybody who saw the little 'Bug' illustration I was working on last month, here he is in all his glory in the final competition entry. By the way, his name is Edgar! (thanks Blue).

http://forum.3dworldmag.com/viewtopic.php?t=9016

NanowrimoAllDone

Yeah! Just for anyone I haven't already showed off to - I finished Nanowrimo (50,000 words) with days to spare. Nearly killed me but it's done. The book isn't finished, so as soon as my 'impact-injured' index fingers have recovered I'll be back on the case!

If you're interested go to nanowrimo.org and look for Nik Chinook.
But then again, why bother.