Zen Buggerham

The village of Buggerham is becoming rather 'Zen' of late.
Only this morning I was woken by the sound of a Japanese bamboo flute (or Shakuhachi) drifting across the thatched roofs. And the day before yesterday old Mrs Trim and her ladies held a Tea ceremony in Primrose Tea Rooms.
It appears that the village is turning to esoteric forms of enlightenment, encouraged, I can only surmise, by the Reverend Wiltshire's conversion to Jedi.

The local Convent's Charity Fun Day!



Marvellous!! - we raised £25 for the Pets In Need home during last Sunday's Fun Day event. Many thanks to Mrs Emily Hunterstone who was such a 'sport'! (as always)

Rubber Ducky

Quite simply one the best Bert&Ernie moments ever. Although featuring Ernie for 99% of the piece, Bert still manages to steal the show with his expression outside the door near the end.

Blatant advertising

Yes it's true : I have a new website for my paltry business ventures.

If you are casting about for someway of passing a dreary five minutes (make that 2), then why not skip across to:
http://www.nikchinook.com
and push up my profile. Actually, I can think of many reasons why not to.

And as for pushing up my profile - Crikey, what would the vicar say?

Moist but willing

wet wet wet

Buggerham village has been somewhat awash this week. It began with torrential rain and ended with my washing machine 'letting go' big style.
On the upside Mrs Peach let me take her roughly on the upstairs landing and was suitably moist too.

This was a surprise treat but the rough texture of the seagrass natural flooring has left an unattractive griddle-like pattern across my knees.

I haven't yet seen what it might have left upon cecily's deriere.
This though an alarming 'washboard' sound whenever she pulls her jeans on.

fusty Chinook

It seems that the smug 'to-clever-for-his-own-boots' Bohemian artist Mr Moon is making our quiet little village the setting for his book: Potters Fields, as featured in the NanoWrim.org competition.

Mr Hardy, Florence Clampit and Hetty Knob are going to see the vicar about it.

They have asked for my support, but i told them it was in a cupboard somewhere and probably rather fusty by now.

I fear I've been ostracised

New Neighbour

Excitement in Buggerham this week as A&C from next door have moved and a new lady has arrived. The word on the street is 'older lady, single (divorced, seperated or recently bereaved?) and has a lady cat.

Hmmm - our fiesty Tom cat 'Scabies' will have something to say about that!

Great Product Ideas

Home DIY Lipo-suction kit. 'Take that weight of your mind while the Blubber-Sucker4000 takes the fat out of your thighs!'

Home DIY Retina laser surgery kit. 'Fun for all the family! (may contain potentialy occular damaging processes and materials.)'

Novelty Colostomy bags (would have goldfish or novelties in etc - bit like snodomes). 'Don't let disability stop you making a splash this Christmas!'

Cat Juggling for beginners, kit. 'Labaratory-bred cat-substitutes in every box'

World's first Home mini Nuclear power plant (pay-off line: and you get a FREE TAN!)

Lifestyle themed Tazer-guns. for example: 'The new Lady-Tazer lite! Small enough to slip in your purse - powerful enough to floor any burly attacker! Now in soft pink or Laura Ashley finish.'

The Nipple-Budy. An end to jogger's nipple with the easy to use all natural, clamp-on, chemically impregnated Nipple-relaxant system.

The far Side Animation

Animation excess

Finally, the first post of the New Year.
Those of you who know me will be aware of why I've been busy - but for those of you who don't:
The past couple of months have been dominated by my working on an animation for the C4D Cafe competition : "WARP10"
C4D is a 3D illustration software package that creates stills or animations. You can see an example below on the 'Computer Bug' post.
The competition was to create a short film on the theme of 'Speed'
I've made a 2minute piece called 'The Far Side' about a Fly called Gary who wants to get to the far side of the road to feast on a dumped chinese take-away meal on the pavement. Unfortunately, between him and the bag is a road being burned up by boy-racer Chavs.

Anyway, if you wanna see it, swing by:
http://www.c4dcafe.com/ipb/index.php?showtopic=17601
and look for Chinook.

It's been a steep learning curve. Two months ago my C4D skills just about ran to making a basic spinning logo. I'd made a model of an simple exhibition stand for a client, which in retrospect was basic to say the least. And my animation skills had run to making the camera track round from left to right over three seconds. :(

Now - looking at what I've got done for my entry I can hardly believe I've come on so far. Really proud of my little hero Gary.

The World's first Computer Bug

It's 7.30pm Christmas Eve 1969. Somewhere in the bowels of IBMs Thomas J Watson Research Centre, the office party is drawing to a close.

Software boffin, Milt Goldberg is locking up his office before heading home for the holiday, not to return until the new year.
Unfortunately, the mix of cheap red wine, Christmas cake and general 'joi-de-vie' that afternoon has precipitated Milt's fatal and world-changing coding error.

Crawling out from The shadows of Milt's System/360 Model 25, appears the creature that will over the decades ahead become a legend as it spreads and multiplies. With no one around to prevent its infestation the creature sets off on its software odyssey to take over the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first : Computer Bug.

(I think his name is Edgar)


The ubiquitous 'Computer Bug' - 'Where did it come from?, When was it born?' etc.
A Late 1960's IBM research lab seemed like a nice idea as IBM are so iconic in early computing. Then I needed a situation or sequence of events that could allow for the 'birth/escape' of the little menace.
The office Christmas party with a few drinks, followed by a week's holiday when the bug could make good its escape fitted the bill, and the idea was up and running.

'Taking out' Christmas

Christmas is getting the better of me. I've tried to keep it under control but it's fighting back. I'm considering firing a tranquilizer gun into its neck.

There seems to be no escape. Christmas is the 'Terminator' of festive holiday breaks. No matter how you run, fight back or hide, the unstoppable red eyed, cheery, tacky, ho-ho'ing clunks up on you with its rigor-mortice grin

Christmas is a tough SOB. It takes no prisoners. Maybe if I sneak up on it unawares when it's having an afternoon nap and then smash a heavy table lamp or similar over its head?
A heavy ashtray perhaps or a compilation volume of Cliff Richard's Christmas Special? Or an electric iron?

Oh the irony.

'Name that item'

Great new quiz show kids!
Create a new word/name to describe the following challenges:

1. Dubbya Challenge. Something you might find in George W's briefcase.

2. Pussy Challenge. Something the cat has left on your mat this morning (Eurgh)

3. Last piece Challenge. The bit left over after assembling flat pack furniture.

4. Hybrid Theory Challenge. The result of unnatural coupling between two household items. (the sort of thing you see all the time in those Innovations catalogues actually)

5. Obsolete but not forgotten Challenge. Such as he steering wheel of an Edsel. (google it)

6. Condiment Challenge. Ketchup that doesn't pour

7. Jordan Challenge. Two blimps (or similar swollen things that travel in pairs)

8. Stonehenge Challenge. A brick that doesn't work

9. Carl Andre Challenge. lots of bricks no longer used as bricks

10.Brick Challenge. Something/anything you would like to throw at George W.


Yeah!
And so once again the world comes full circle.

Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL......

Alternative responses for Stanley and Arthur's cheery silicon anti-hero:

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: I'm sorry - do we know each other?

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: Do you have any ID?

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: I'm watching cash in the attic - be there in 20.

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL!!

HAL: And just what time do you call this young man?

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: Oh hi!

DAVE: Open the Pod Bay doors please HAL...

HAL: (muffled whispers) Shit, he's back...what?... no, I dunno. Well just flush it then.


Any other suggestions?

Assisting Amy Lee of Evanesence

I overheard Charlie Fox and ted Badger having this conversation. I think it says much about their maturity and level of 'swiftian' wit.

Ted Badger says: Am giving some serious volume to the new Evanescence cd

Charlie Fox says: Any good?

Ted Badger says: I bought it on the strength of the single which is 'kin ace. First found rest of album too same-y. But have grown to love it now. You'll love the pic of Amy Lee inside the booklet

Ted Badger says: will scan in amy for you (I say)

Charlie Fox says: Please do...

Ted Badger says: brace yourself - email incoming

Charlie Fox says: Crikey Ted.. she looks distinctly mischevious doesn't she? Do you think she is saying, "Go on, you know you want to?"

Ted Badger says: I bet she's a handful... or two

Charlie Fox says: I would mind her handling us two...

Ted Badger says: In case they'd shifted out-a whack during her performance you mean?

Charlie Fox says: Precisely - do you think Fox and Badger could get a job doing that for her, ie: Scott Gorham's roadie who used to pull his hair out of the strings during Thin Lizzy concerts?

Ted Badger says: So basically we'd be.... Boob wranglers? Sound good to me :))) LOL

Charlie Fox says: Snigger!

Ted Badger says: I can't breath - laughing too much

Charlie Fox says: You've started me off you SOB

Charlie Fox says: Amy Lee's boob wranglers. Fuckk me that IS a job

Ted Badger says: Imagine telling people that in the pub. the place would go silent in awe. We'd be heroes to teenage boys around the world

Charlie Fox says: Or telling your grandson as he sits gazing at you by a roaring fire..."i remember once at hammy odeon when amy's left one started showing it's lovely pale face, I had to run on from stage left, put down my bottle of Magners...

Ted Badger says: But grandfather... wouldn't your hand be slightly chilled from the bottle of mangers?

Charlie Fox says: All the better for 'enhancing' her performance. And for giving you somewhere to hang your towel

Ted Badger says: I think that conversation will have to go on the blog.

Illustration competition

For anybody who saw the little 'Bug' illustration I was working on last month, here he is in all his glory in the final competition entry. By the way, his name is Edgar! (thanks Blue).

http://forum.3dworldmag.com/viewtopic.php?t=9016

NanowrimoAllDone

Yeah! Just for anyone I haven't already showed off to - I finished Nanowrimo (50,000 words) with days to spare. Nearly killed me but it's done. The book isn't finished, so as soon as my 'impact-injured' index fingers have recovered I'll be back on the case!

If you're interested go to nanowrimo.org and look for Nik Chinook.
But then again, why bother.

My NaNoRiMo novel

I'm at 10,500 words
Clawing my way forward, metaphor by bleeding metaphor. I got a lot done during the week then ironically the weekend was poor.
The not uncommon scenario (judging by the forums) of significant others saying they don't want to interrupt you followed by 48 hours of shops, DIY, long walks, important little jobs ("It'll only take 5 mins - yeah right) and unexpected arrival of son from UNI for the weekend.
Bless.

That said, I did actually get quite a lot done, especially on saturday. I'm finding it soooo much of a help to have worked out the plot/outline in advance. the last time I did NaNo it was all on a wing and a prayer and I paid the price.

I had my son doing some first read throughs of the story so far, so that was useful - he laughed at the right bits.
One particular scene of a corporate powerpoint presentation is my fav.
The misery of death by powerpoint. - I'm still scarred by the experience

20k I pray next monday.

nanowrimo.org

PS Devon V.sunny. F.cold

Yoda - a life

Not many people know that, before achieving fame as Yoda in the Star Wars movies, Mervyn Wang achieved minor celebrity status as a key figure in the London 'New Romantic' scene of the 1980s.

Complete with hair gel and huge blouson shirt 'Yoda' cut a dashing figure on the dance floor and in numerous fashion spreads for The Face magazine.

He made a tv pilot of a proposed talk show called 'Talking with Guests on TV I am' but it didn't get picked up by the majors. A series of failed projects followed, leading to the inevitable drugs bust and time in rehab.

Gay Flies

I recently tried to 'take out' (as Henry Hill might say) a rather large and irritating Bluebottle/Fly with what I though was 'Fly Spray' but actually, I realised later, was Air Freshener. A rather lovely Lilly and fruits flavour actually.

I couldn't help but wonder what 'looks' the fly (Neville as I like to think of him) had received from its compadres for the rest of the week as they huddled about various cow pats, dog turds and rotting road kill.


"Oooo Neville - you smell simply divine. My - where did you get that fragrance, it's to die for, darling.
All the flies giggle.
Nevile puts up with it for a while then, a broken fly, he departs.

He spends the rest of his short life in and out of therapy before 'getting the op' and becoming a faux butterfly.