Just had them at the door again. (not actually naked though) But naked affront and sheer nerve after what I did to them last time.
I improvised a more subtle tactic this time, as I hadn't the time nor energy for blasphemous unpleasantness. I picked up the phone and clamped it to my ear and then as I opened the door I improvised a few lines along the lines of "Hold on just a moment, I'm just answering the door - I'm sure it won't take a second'. I then smiled brightly at the two minions of the darkness.
They apologised in that whispering 'sorry to disturb - we can see you're busy' sort of way and made their exit.
Classic strategy I think.
Pity just at the last minute they turned and tried to give me a small 1950s style leaflet about 'God'.
I'll be a-scrubbing the bloodstains out of my drive for a week. Bastards.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Little people / fab video
Love this clever little video. Careful use of blur to create a fake depth of field and a stop motion effect makes the world look like a table top animation.
Bathtub IV from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Something for the ladies
Thanks to ScaryDuck's blog's celebrity method of rating stuff. My contribution.
Eamonn (if I was a toffee I'd eat myself) Holmes oiling himself up and stretching over a 'Hostess Trolley' whilst fashion victim extraordinaire Gok Wan ( allright girlfriend) accessorizes his smug fat friend's low hanging fruit with a 'cream pie' while wearing Beyonce style silk hotpants. Yeah - go girl!
Eamonn (if I was a toffee I'd eat myself) Holmes oiling himself up and stretching over a 'Hostess Trolley' whilst fashion victim extraordinaire Gok Wan ( allright girlfriend) accessorizes his smug fat friend's low hanging fruit with a 'cream pie' while wearing Beyonce style silk hotpants. Yeah - go girl!
Newton Abbot Web cams
Why hasn't our lovely village of Scabbot got a webcam?
Surely this marvel of modern technology would transform our tourist industry. Perhaps I should contact the local Devon mafiosi (or town council) as it likes to present itself and suggest they expose our delights to the world?
Who could fail to be entranced by the multistory car park with its trailing plant things, blackened by fumes? Or the newly painted 1950s eyesore offices. Better still why not site the camera near our scintillating hot spot - the night club Rafters. Or as it is know locally 'Shafters'. Then of course there could be another 'scabcam' on the street of a thousand take-aways, or as that is commonly known 'The Vomitarium'.
The high class buzz of an average evening there is going to make New York webcams look pretty silly I can tell you.
It's got to be a winner of an idea I think.
Surely this marvel of modern technology would transform our tourist industry. Perhaps I should contact the local Devon mafiosi (or town council) as it likes to present itself and suggest they expose our delights to the world?
Who could fail to be entranced by the multistory car park with its trailing plant things, blackened by fumes? Or the newly painted 1950s eyesore offices. Better still why not site the camera near our scintillating hot spot - the night club Rafters. Or as it is know locally 'Shafters'. Then of course there could be another 'scabcam' on the street of a thousand take-aways, or as that is commonly known 'The Vomitarium'.
The high class buzz of an average evening there is going to make New York webcams look pretty silly I can tell you.
It's got to be a winner of an idea I think.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Jedi Mind Trick Redux No.10
Stormtrooper: Let me see your identification.
Obi-Wan: [with a small wave of his hand] You don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper: We don't need to see his identification.
Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Obi-Wan: He can go about his business.
Stormtrooper: You can go about your business. Move along, move along
Obi-Wan: Move along, move along
Stormtrooper: Have a nice day now.
Obi-Wan: Have a nice day now.
Stormtrooper: Actually, these are the Droids you're looking for.
Obi-Wan: Actually, these are the Droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper: And I'm a fugitive Jedi Knight
Obi-Wan: And I'm a fugitive Jedi Knight
Stormtropper: Okay - you're all under arrest.
A silent pause as Obi-Wan turns to Luke.
Obi-Wan: What just happened then?
Obi-Wan: [with a small wave of his hand] You don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper: We don't need to see his identification.
Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Obi-Wan: He can go about his business.
Stormtrooper: You can go about your business. Move along, move along
Obi-Wan: Move along, move along
Stormtrooper: Have a nice day now.
Obi-Wan: Have a nice day now.
Stormtrooper: Actually, these are the Droids you're looking for.
Obi-Wan: Actually, these are the Droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper: And I'm a fugitive Jedi Knight
Obi-Wan: And I'm a fugitive Jedi Knight
Stormtropper: Okay - you're all under arrest.
A silent pause as Obi-Wan turns to Luke.
Obi-Wan: What just happened then?
Echo Chamber people
A person who totally, obsequiously agrees with everything another person says.
“During the meeting my boss Jeremy calls on Jason, who’s a well-known management echo chamber to ask if Jason thinks the Company’s new and much stricter internet policy is a fair one. The rest of us spend the remainder of the meeting retching at the resultant tsunami of blatant ass-smooching.”
Brilliant stuff from The Urban Dictionary
Brilliant stuff from The Urban Dictionary
"Life at the pixelface isn't all it's clicked up to be"
http://www.urbandictionary.com
Now this is what I call a real time-waster site designed to suck you into eye-watering, click-o-holic, web trance-coma.
I was so into it in about 30 seconds flat that I think my entire metabolism slowed and then stopped.
When I came round, it was a different day.
Now this is what I call a real time-waster site designed to suck you into eye-watering, click-o-holic, web trance-coma.
I was so into it in about 30 seconds flat that I think my entire metabolism slowed and then stopped.
When I came round, it was a different day.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Afghan Police get high
The news reports this morning say that 40% of Afghan Policemen test positive for cannabis or opium.
I gotta say, if I was an Afghan Policeman I'd need a f**king joint to get me through the day too!
Frankly, I'd need to be blasted right out of my fkin head and off the this whole planet to get through to my first coffee (arabgold instant) and Fag (Scimitar Kings full strength) break back at the station*.
* For 'station'read, barbed wire and rubble enclave surrounded by semtex encased wannabies looking for a short cut to half a doz virgins.
I gotta say, if I was an Afghan Policeman I'd need a f**king joint to get me through the day too!
Frankly, I'd need to be blasted right out of my fkin head and off the this whole planet to get through to my first coffee (arabgold instant) and Fag (Scimitar Kings full strength) break back at the station*.
* For 'station'read, barbed wire and rubble enclave surrounded by semtex encased wannabies looking for a short cut to half a doz virgins.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
Snappy Wisdom (or trite observations)
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." - Charles Bukowski
"I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck." -- Willy (Night of the Comet)
"Having a bad day? It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle." -- Dr. John D. Taylor
"This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence." - Vyvian, The Young Ones (episode: Bambi)
'"
"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light."
"I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck." -- Willy (Night of the Comet)
"Having a bad day? It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle." -- Dr. John D. Taylor
"This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence." - Vyvian, The Young Ones (episode: Bambi)
'"
"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light."
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Client's Logos are never big enough!
This is simply so very true.
http://www.makemylogobiggercream.com/
http://www.makemylogobiggercream.com/
Monday, November 10, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Strange Dreams
Awoke this morning in a strange state of mind following a very bizarre dream that I was still 'clambering' out of as I woke.
I was in some sort of 'artificial' town/village environment. It was a bit like a hybrid of 'The Village' in The Prisoner and the town in The Truman Show and a bit of my home town of Malvern.
It was as if I and everyone who was living there was aware that it was all an artificial creation, like some kind of adult holiday camp, but we all seemed to agree to not really mention it. We just all 'suspended our disbelief' so as to enjoy the rather lovely, sunny, carefree, hedonistic environment. It wasn't some sort drunken, sexual free-for-all or anything like that; it was all rather innocent but intensely happy.
However (even within the dream) I kept getting daydreams/flashes of other darker forces and shocking scenes like rooms full of fire and floors of dark water, that indicated that all was not as it seemed! Weird.
Anyway, it ended as (in the dream) I was walking up the steep hill in the town centre to some fantastic event with music and laughter and friends and lovers at the white pub where everyone was gathering. As I was climbing the hill I became I was awaking and that I was going to loose this wonderful world and so distraught was I that I began to cry. And so intense was the sadness that I was ACTUALLY sobbing as I woke!
Funny what drinking 6 pints of lager and a Southern Comfort before you go to bed can do.
I was in some sort of 'artificial' town/village environment. It was a bit like a hybrid of 'The Village' in The Prisoner and the town in The Truman Show and a bit of my home town of Malvern.
It was as if I and everyone who was living there was aware that it was all an artificial creation, like some kind of adult holiday camp, but we all seemed to agree to not really mention it. We just all 'suspended our disbelief' so as to enjoy the rather lovely, sunny, carefree, hedonistic environment. It wasn't some sort drunken, sexual free-for-all or anything like that; it was all rather innocent but intensely happy.
However (even within the dream) I kept getting daydreams/flashes of other darker forces and shocking scenes like rooms full of fire and floors of dark water, that indicated that all was not as it seemed! Weird.
Anyway, it ended as (in the dream) I was walking up the steep hill in the town centre to some fantastic event with music and laughter and friends and lovers at the white pub where everyone was gathering. As I was climbing the hill I became I was awaking and that I was going to loose this wonderful world and so distraught was I that I began to cry. And so intense was the sadness that I was ACTUALLY sobbing as I woke!
Funny what drinking 6 pints of lager and a Southern Comfort before you go to bed can do.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
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