Machine-gunning penguins

I have an urge to start a blog called 'Machine-Gunning Penguins'
Not sure why. Not sure what it would contain. Not sure where the idea came from.
Not sure if I need medication of some kind.
I just know that for the past two weeks, the phrase 'Machine-gunning Penguins' has been following me about like a bad but compelling smell.

I wonder if the 'GOOD' but witty angel that sits on my shoulder is having a laugh by whispering this concept into my ear continuously. Coincidently, on my other shoulder stands the NAUGHTY but basically deprived childhood devil (Barry) wearing, would you believe it, a penguin suit.

My how we all laughed.

Medication

Once (when I was enjoying the dizzy heights of being a hire 'em and fire 'em manager, I received a job app from someone who wrote on the form: "I've been on medication but I think I'm alright now."
"think" ?

Violent Cows

I just saw this headline on the BBC news website: MP Blunkett injured in cow attack

Great stuff eh? A good enough story as is, needing no further information. And yet I can't help wondering....
Were they politically motivated?
Was it a sexual thing?
Had there been some previous unpleasantness?
Was it a street gang of cows/ Maybe on the way back from a 'hen night' in Liverpool?
Or was the whole thing just a dreadful misunderstanding?

After the dust settled and the cows stood in a quiet circle around the prostrate and twitching form of MP DB was there a moment of horrible realisation?
COW 1 : Uh oh.
COW 2 : What?
COW 1 : I know this is gonna sound crazy but I think that's MP David Blunkett.
COW 2 : Oh fuck. We're in big trouble
COW 1 : What do you mean 'we'?

Just a thought.

Great ad

Sniggering like a naughty schoolboy - that's me.

Pretty much the best commercial ever! - watch more funny videos

Singing the Blues (in Devon)

Welcome to the deep south y'all. Deep South Hams that is.



I've decided I'm going to turn in to a shambling old, weatherbeaten blues singer. But a Devon version. I could be Muddy Brookes or maybe 'Howling Tor' Nik. Tractor Joe Tivvy?, Sonny-boy Saltash ? Blind Jimmy CreamTea?
Trago Joe McColl? Napoli Pete (the wrecker's conscience) ?

"Who could forget classic numbers such as:

Stuck behind another fucking tractor Blues
Crossroads and crockles
My woman done stole my VW Camper
I scream and Ice Lollies Blues
Proper job, Fash n' Chips in Union Street
My Pappy done sold our home to a sloane (then we all done bitch about second home owners for the rest of us lives) blues.